Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Have you ever experienced being dismissed?

Dismissed? Dismissive?

Flicked off like a buzzing insect-that spark of life just doing what it knows to do, just being what it is meant to be-but flicked at for occupying a space with another trying to define their own space. The stun, the dismay, the question-what went wrong? why am I not good enough, how did we separate? Where did we diverge? How are we the same? What in me does another not like to see? Is flicking a loving gesture? simply a choice of what one doesn't want to attend, or is it a defense system designed to deflect?

As multifaceted humans being each time we interact, intercept, and interchange with another life force-for a space we unite-creatively holding our unique signature essence and form while simultaneously sharing commonalities. So, as I observe myself being flicked away as a nuisance, a gnat, an inconvenience, a speed bump( designed for the opposite-to slow down and become present and aware), someone not to be bothered with or by, my answer lies in a reflection. Maybe not so obvious to me at first but with a little careful digging and prodding with the dull side of my heart blade, as to be ever so gentle with my self and my vulnerability-I seek the answers. How do I feel to have it be so easy to dismiss another, how have I passed judgment on another's expression of self, have I been desiring to be seen, heard, sensed, felt? Do I deny some shadowy aspect of my heart that is more selfishly aligned rather than selflessly aligned? How in that process have I invalidated another?

These aren't easy questions to face, but as I do them gently, I can hold my heart wide open with a willingness to seek my heart over my head. I can make what seems like a mistake-a miss take in a conversation in the way I'm showing up in the world, and let it become an opportunity to know myself and you. And, I can extend that grace to all others-if I want to see the light in me reflected in the light in you.

On Dictionary.com and Vocabulary.com I looked up the definition of dismissed and dismissive and learned something new:

dismiss: verb

past tense: dismissed; past participle: dismissed
order or allow to leave; send away.
"she dismissed the taxi at the corner of the road"

discharge from employment or office.
"CBS Records dismissed another 120 people"

treat as unworthy of serious consideration.
"it would be easy to dismiss him as all brawn and no brain"

dismissive: adjective
feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration.
"he is too dismissive of the importance of the industrialists"
What is a dismissive personality?
Someone who has a dismissive-avoidant attachment style often sees themselves as independent and able to "go it alone." They often maintain strict boundaries, can be emotionally distant and have a hard time opening up to their partners or making and keeping close friendships.Jan 21, 2020

What Is Avoidant Attachment? - Understanding Types of Avoidant ...

And in conclusion, what is in me is the desire to be rewarded or validated, that dismissiveness is a defense mechanism, born from unmet needs or desires, affecting us on the molecular level of joy and love, and is the shadow side of the heart, slowing or reducing dopamine- a pain and fear reliever, a molecule helpful to taking risks such as to love despite it being sometimes painful. Molecules of joy- a wonderful topic for another blog!! Meanwhile-if I ever failed you by practicing dismissiveness-I seek your forgiveness as I seek to forgive myself and pray that this gesture of linking hands, the act of commanding love to assist in its giving and receiving, permits me to acknowledge my needs for love, self-approval, and validation. In turn, growing my ability to love and validate you in the very same way. Lastly, I give thanks to all the spirits who have shown up in my life this way for even in the shadows, love abounds.

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